I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants.
It’s true it’s so important to keep your friends, passions, interests, travel plans and nurture them while dating a guy to keep confident and loving yourself and not make him the center of your world. But it’s easier said than done I find. I find it works perfectly well at the beginning when you don’t know each other that well. He’s not in your life yet so you’re used to your routine and have some fun dates to looks forward to in between. But as soon as feelings are evolving, you start thinking about him more often, look forward to seeing him again, he treats you right, you see each other on a regular basis – and it hits you and it’s hard to focus on something else that gives you the same level of excitement and fun…! it’s true that once he becomes too important, things start to fall apart…he pulls away. So how do you keep your life and independence once emotions are involved? Why does it happen that what we had before him, start to have less of an importance and we drop our bounderies?
But sex not only keeps the relationship healthy, many readers suggested that they use it to heal their relationships. That when things are a bit frigid between them or that they have some problems going on, a lot of stress, or other issues (i.e., kids), they even go so far as to schedule sexy time for themselves. They say it’s important. And it’s worth it.
Great advice as per the norm, though I do have a question about the date-date thing and long distance relationships. I have been talking with a man who recently immigrated to New York City from Shanghai,China. We started talking casually in February and have recently began talking on more frequently once he was able to find and apartment and settle down (we met on an online dating site). He has even told me that he would move to the city where I was living if we ultimately decided that we wanted to be together. He also said that him and buddy are coming out to Utah on a road trip together in October and that he would love to meet me. My question is, if we went on a date in October when he comes to Utah, is that considered the first date? If not, what constitutes a first date in a long distance relationship?
This particular relationship advice is for women exclusively. Big mistake women make is thinking that their man can read their thoughts and should “just know” when they are angry, hungry, tired or upset about something that happened at work.  Even the most intuitive man cannot know what’s inside your head.  Use your communication skills to express your feelings.  It will make everything easier and you won’t end up harboring resentment because your man had no idea you wanted him to pick up pasta for dinner instead of pizza.  
When your partner screws up, you separate the intentions from the behavior. You recognize the things you love and admire in your partner and understand that he/she was simply doing the best that they could, yet messed up out of ignorance. Not because they’re a bad person. Not because they secretly hate you and want to divorce you. Not because there’s somebody else in the background pulling them away from you. They are a good person. That’s why you are with them. If you ever lose your faith in that, then you will begin to erode your faith in yourself.

6. Don’t assume you are exclusive. As scary as it may seem to talk to your man about not seeing other people, it’s even scarier to just assume he isn’t seeing other people. Words are helpful, and you should use them sometimes. So he tells you he wants to introduce you to his sister? Awesome! Still doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Try something like, “You know, I’d really like not to see other people. How do you feel about that?” If he gives you an answer you aren’t looking for, buh-bye. And if he gives you a yes, fantastic! Go for it!
It's easy to instantly start comparing your relationship or your partner to other relationships or partners, but it won't do you any good and it will upset your partner, Ray says. She says to ask yourself these questions: Are you in the relationship to compete with someone else? Are you in this relationship to impress other people? Or are you in the relationship because you like the person you're dating?
"Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship. So start gently. Instead of saying, 'You always leave your dishes all over the place! Why can’t you pick anything up?' try a more gentle approach, focusing on your own emotional reaction and a positive request. For example: 'I get annoyed when I see dishes in the living room. Would you please put them back in the kitchen when you’re finished?'"

BUT, more importantly, this inability to let our partners be who they are, is a subtle form of disrespect. After all, if you can’t trust your husband to have a simple golfing trip with his buddies, or you’re afraid to let your wife go out for drinks after work, what does that say about your respect for their ability to handle themselves well? What does it say for your respect for yourself? I mean, after all, if you believe a couple after-work drinks is enough to steer your girlfriend away from you, you clearly don’t think too highly of yourself.


She told me, "I am glad to teach you how to sew, but I can't in good conscience contribute to the assault on your masculinity. Far too long your masculinity has been torn down (referring to the abuse I suffered as a child by various men in my life) and it would be a sin for me to help you tear it down further." Apparently she talked it over with her priest and they (he) decided it would be wrong for her to help me.
BUT, more importantly, this inability to let our partners be who they are, is a subtle form of disrespect. After all, if you can’t trust your husband to have a simple golfing trip with his buddies, or you’re afraid to let your wife go out for drinks after work, what does that say about your respect for their ability to handle themselves well? What does it say for your respect for yourself? I mean, after all, if you believe a couple after-work drinks is enough to steer your girlfriend away from you, you clearly don’t think too highly of yourself.
6. Don’t assume you are exclusive. As scary as it may seem to talk to your man about not seeing other people, it’s even scarier to just assume he isn’t seeing other people. Words are helpful, and you should use them sometimes. So he tells you he wants to introduce you to his sister? Awesome! Still doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Try something like, “You know, I’d really like not to see other people. How do you feel about that?” If he gives you an answer you aren’t looking for, buh-bye. And if he gives you a yes, fantastic! Go for it!

Exercises like this always amaze me because when you ask thousands of people for advice on something, you expect to receive thousands of different answers. But in both cases now, the vast majority of the advice has largely been the same. It shows you how similar we really are. And how no matter how bad things may get, we are never as alone as we think.


It’s just poor form in the beginning stages of a relationship. “It’s a big turn-off and it shows you haven’t moved beyond that relationship,” says Elliott Katz, author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man. “The man you are dating may have an ex-spouse who already badmouths him; he’s not looking for another.” And for more essential dating advice, don’t miss the 20 Signs He’s Going to Ghost You.
“Lots of people who are married but living as single fool themselves and others into thinking they’re legally single,” Masini says. “When it’s found out that they aren’t, all hell breaks loose and allegations of lying and cheating are flung about. Remember, if you’re married but separated, you’re married. If you’re married and living single, you’re married. If you want to date married, at least be honest with yourself and those you’re dating. But best of all, if you want to be single, make sure you are—legally.”
Hi I am new to this dating thing, we were used to doing it the old fashion way before the Internet was around. Anyway cut a long story short, started chatting to this guy on Tinder,we are both in music so we understand the unsociable hours and the pressure that comes with it. Anyway basically has been texting everyday, and get on really really well have a great sense of humour and banter between us that other people who are not working in music would not necessarily understand?
I was born in Hong Kong. I was a surprise baby — my mother was in her 40s. I was the baby of the family. I was spoiled rotten. When I was 13, there was a woman, the second wife of a news publisher. She decided she wanted me to be her son’s wife. My parents told her that we were Christians, and that we didn’t believe in stuff like [arranged marriage]. I had never seen the boy! I was 13! So we never married.

Shortly after the breakup, a woman walked into my life and gave me the best advice about relationships that anyone has ever given to me—advice that would drastically change my love life forever. Today, I am sharing with you some of that wisdom in the hopes that it awakens something within you, stirs your soul, and validates your heart's deeper calling.
This book was written for two kinds of women: those who already have a man and want to make sure he sticks around, and those who haven’t found Mr. Right yet – and really, really want to. This is a book full of no-nonsense advice, written by a man who wants nothing more than to help women understand why men think the way they do, and how to use that to advantage their relationships. Learn the secrets about what men really want and need, go out and give it to them.

For many women in relationships, they're hesitant to speak up and speak out in regard to their true feelings and beliefs. For example, many women refrain from sharing their actual thoughts and emotions in order to appease and please their partners or in order to avoid any possible conflict. However, being able to communicate freely and openly with your partner is at the very core of what makes a relationship last, and it's important to have the tools in place to be able to resolve arguments as a couple. Being able to have an open dialog with your mate where you can express yourself without shame, fear, or embarrassment is essential. And if you’re hiding your true thoughts or beliefs from your partner, your relationship is going to stay at a superficial level because you’re not speaking your mind. 
“If you’re meeting someone online, be sure to spend several weeks getting to know them online first through emails and video chats,” suggests Fisher. “It’s also recommended to do a background check to ensure they have no criminal background and aren’t already married. If all checks out, be sure to keep your first few dates in public and bring your own mode of transportation to maximize your safety.”
Men want a simple and straightforward relationship. No mind games, no manipulation and don’t expect a man to read your mind. Straight forward communication is what a guy wants: an agreement on how fast a relationship is moving and the direction in which it is heading, and if you don’t like something, make sure to tell him about it without expecting him to read your mind.
Great advice as per the norm, though I do have a question about the date-date thing and long distance relationships. I have been talking with a man who recently immigrated to New York City from Shanghai,China. We started talking casually in February and have recently began talking on more frequently once he was able to find and apartment and settle down (we met on an online dating site). He has even told me that he would move to the city where I was living if we ultimately decided that we wanted to be together. He also said that him and buddy are coming out to Utah on a road trip together in October and that he would love to meet me. My question is, if we went on a date in October when he comes to Utah, is that considered the first date? If not, what constitutes a first date in a long distance relationship?

True love — that is, deep, abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy — is a choice. It’s a constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances. It’s a commitment to a person who you understand isn’t going to always make you happy — nor should they! — and a person who will need to rely on you at times, just as you will rely on them.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car, be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper, says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.
Learn to discern your partner’s own shady behavior from your own insecurities (and vice-versa). This is hard and will likely require confrontation to get to the bottom of. But in most relationship fights, one person thinks something is completely “normal” and the other thinks it’s really grade-A “fucked up.” It’s often extremely hard to distinguish who is being irrational and insecure and who is being reasonable and merely standing up for themselves. Be patient in rooting out what’s what, and when it’s your big, gnarly insecurity (and sometimes it will be, trust me), be honest about it. Own up to it. And strive to be better.
You can’t love anyone more than your willingness to love yourself. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. I liken love to the oxygen mask on a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning my wife’s hand in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with. Conveying to her that I loved myself signaled that I could be a pillar of strength and compassion.
"A big mistake people make when dating someone new is to bring all of their fears, concerns, and past negative relationship experiences to their current relationship," says Ray. She explains that in the more than 26 years of speaking to singles, she's heard that they do not want to hear about their date's past relationships on first or second dates. She insists that you should be keeping your thoughts and conversations focused on the person you're currently dating and on getting to know them. (You shouldn't be interrogating them on their past, either.)

Hey, guess what? I got married two weeks ago. And like most people, I asked some of the older and wiser folks around me for a couple quick words of relationship advice from their own marriages to make sure my wife and I didn’t shit the (same) bed. I think most newlyweds do this — ask for relationship advice, I mean, not shit the same bed part — especially after a few cocktails from the open bar they just paid way too much money for.
Many people get into a relationship as a way to compensate for something they lack or hate within themselves. This is a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship because it makes your love conditional — you will love your partner as long as they help you feel better about yourself. You will give to them as long as they give to you. You will make them happy as long as they make you happy.
The best relationship advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I give, is “easy does it.” Too often we get caught up in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect and compassion with anger and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.
I was born in Hong Kong. I was a surprise baby — my mother was in her 40s. I was the baby of the family. I was spoiled rotten. When I was 13, there was a woman, the second wife of a news publisher. She decided she wanted me to be her son’s wife. My parents told her that we were Christians, and that we didn’t believe in stuff like [arranged marriage]. I had never seen the boy! I was 13! So we never married.
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