"The one quality that impacts relationships the most is being accountable. When you can admit your mistakes it gets rid of blame and invites the other person to do the same. Think about the relationships in your life that are the most fulfilling. You are open and less defensive. You're willing to look at yourself and not just blame the other person."
"If a girl and I end up hooking up quickly, it doesn't necessarily mean I've written her off. All she needs to do to maintain my interest is…be awesome. Be interesting and interested in me. Plan cool events. For example, 'Hey, I've got an extra ticket to this show tonight. Want to go?' Go out and do things I'd want to do, and then invite me. Chances are I'll probably join you. Be willing to embrace the things men love."
Write down an actual list of what you need out of a relationship and whether those needs are being met. Rowena, 69, found the list helped her. "When I met Graham and decided to get involved with him, I sat down with a piece of paper and I wrote pros and cons. I was in my 30s at that point, and I said 'Hmm, you know, this is what I want.' And this guy had those qualities — many more good ones than bad ones.
Most of us, at some point in our lives, have heard a great piece of advice about love. Perhaps it’s something from your mother or father, a grandparent, a mentor, a friend, something you’ve read — a piece of advice that has stayed with you and has helped you in finding love, understanding love or staying in love. It’s the kind of advice you repeat to yourself during difficult moments, or find yourself re-telling your friends.
The elders suggest you think about whether your future spouse will be a “good provider.” It’s an old-fashioned term, but it embodies a fundamental truth: marriage may be about love, but it’s also an economic arrangement that unites the financial futures of the partners. So women (and men, too) need to ask: Does my prospective mate like to work? Will he or she hold up their end financially? And can they responsibly handle money? The elders told story after story of having to carry the economic load and handle someone else’s debts and bad financial decisions.
When I was 16, the love of my young life (yes, Joe B., this means you) dumped me. Sobbing on my bedroom floor, my mother, who was, and still is, head-over-heels in love with the same man for 51 years, sat down next to me, put her arm around me and said, “There are a lot of fish in the sea. “ I clearly remember wailing, “But, I want this one.” She said, “All things happen for a reason. You will find the perfect person who loves you as much as you love him, and you’ll look back on this and laugh.” While I couldn’t understand then that you need to love someone who loves you back, I get it now. Twenty years, three children and a dog later, I’m still married to the man who loved me back.
“Nothing makes a man ‘feel’ better than a woman. Allow her in. Men are constantly told to "man up," be strong, tough and all that. And women nurture by nature. There is strength in being open and vulnerable with the one you love. Even if it isn't love just yet, be willing to share. It's like a game of catch ... you have to throw to play.” -- Tamika St., 34
When I was in college at the University of Michigan, I fell in love with two people at the same time. They were both very different. Mel was an intellectual who was doing theater. He had the potential to be great. Richard was a hippie who drank tea and meditated. I had no idea why I was in love with him except I guess I just was. I had a choice to make, and I went with Mel — the intellectual.
Be open to being disrupted by a relationship — even if you’re too into your career. The right person should only make you a better woman. Remember that confidence will attract the right person and to hold back due to fear of being intimidating is actually not who you are. A focused woman is a fine-*ss woman. Don’t be married to your job, but be excellent at it. There’s freedom in the latter, and dependance in the former.
We all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens — something you want to do versus have to do — can make all the difference.
The fiery Sagittarius man is airy Gemini’s opposite sign, and opposites do attract. Both are lifelong seekers and love to learn and teach. Both will love to explore and travel as well, but sometimes Gemini needs to withdraw before opening up again. The Archer may not understand this need. This pairing could work if Sagittarius allows Gemini some downtime and if markers of stability are present.
How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality," or a sex life that doesn't include (or betray) the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use sex toys or letting other men look at her," Dr. Kort says. "For her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties, so talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and see if this is something one (or both of you) might be interested in.
If you're not usually one to speak up, Mintz suggests trying it solo first. "Next time you're masturbating, make some noise," she says. "You might find something is really fun, and then you can transfer that to partner sex." Otherwise, saying anything that's praising, instructive, and even a little dirty tends to go over well with men. Tell him exactly how you want to be touched (and where, and using what) and you'll his pleasure meter — and yours —through the roof.
I fell in love once after that, but the guy died. He was younger than me — asthmatic. After that, I kind of lost interest [in love]. I never really got serious with anybody. Over the years, I’ve just had fun and worked hard — I took care of beautiful children. I used to party every night because my brother was a DJ. I’d attend every single Carnival — without a guy in my life. I was single, and oh, I was loving it. And still loving it even more now!
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"It's a turnoff for me when a girl pretends to like something just because I like it. 'You like the Knicks? Weird, I love the Knicks! Who's that tall one again? Who are you and what are your interests? If we disagree about stuff, let's have fun disagreeing about it and if any of it winds up being too important, then, well, it won't work out and that's fine." Miles P.