We all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens — something you want to do versus have to do — can make all the difference.
Most of us, at some point in our lives, have heard a great piece of advice about love. Perhaps it’s something from your mother or father, a grandparent, a mentor, a friend, something you’ve read — a piece of advice that has stayed with you and has helped you in finding love, understanding love or staying in love. It’s the kind of advice you repeat to yourself during difficult moments, or find yourself re-telling your friends.
"Every couple has what I call a 'good conflict.' In long-term relationships, we often feel that the thing you most need from your partner is the very thing he or she is least capable of giving you. This isn't the end of love—it's the beginning of deeper love! Don't run from that conflict. It's supposed to be there. In fact, it's your key to happiness as a couple—if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple. If you approach your 'good conflicts' with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic."
"If the guy doesn't say something and take the check off the table to pay, it's probably fair to assume that you're going Dutch. There are different reasons that a guy might not pick up the tab (some that might not have anything to do with you), but if you're into him, avoid looking too disappointed. You don't want him to think you expected it." —Josh F.
I think love today is very impersonal! When you’re talking to somebody, you have a phone in your hand, so I just don’t think it’s as intimate. I also think it’s more innocent. America has become more provincial in many ways. I think it’s because of the AIDS crisis — everyone was having sex with everybody, but now everybody is so scared. It’s influenced the romance.
You don't need to make the choice entirely on your own, older women say. Listen to your friends and family: Do they like your partner? Do they think you're being treated well? Do they think your partner is serious about the relationship? I heard from elders who made a wrong choice: “If only I’d listened when people told me this was a bad decision.”
My first love was way older than me. About 17 years older! He was in the army, the regiment. My brother was also in the service — when I went to visit him, I met this guy. It didn’t last — we just dated for a short time and that was it. But he was quite nice to me. Being older, he knew how to treat a woman. I was about 25 and we would go the movies and stuff like that. You see, I didn’t quite understand what love was, because growing up, we didn’t have a lot of love in our household. My grandmother, who raised me, had very old school practices.
This is a complex one but necessary to surviving in a rapid dating world, says sex and relationship expert, Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Building strength and self-confidence is key. The reality of it is, dating can be hard and feelings can be hurt. But if you know who you are and how you want to be treated then you won’t allow someone (or the dating scene) to continually hurt or discourage you.”
"I get frustrated when I feel like I'm constantly the one driving the conversation—it happens to me a lot and it feels a little unfair. It's hard to get the sense that I'm getting to know someone when I'm tasked with doing all the talking. On the flip side though, it's a rough night when a girl goes on about herself at length without asking me anything about myself. I like it best when someone can counter me with questions of their own." —Noah A.
Life is busy. There's always so much to do, so much to accomplish, and so much left undone and unaccomplished at the end of the day! While being busy and motivated can be energizing, it can also be tricky to find a balance between your ambitions and your personal life. Taking the time to nourish both aspects of your life is super important, but sacrificing one for the sake of the other can be detrimental to your overall happiness. As you're figuring out your career and your love life, consider this love advice for ambitious women.
In romantic rhetoric, there is this idea of finding your missing half in a partner. However, an honest piece of love advice is that the best way to create a healthy relationship is to create a healthy relationship with yourself. Your partner can’t complete the missing parts of your own insecurity. Only you can fill that space, and relying on another person to make you feel complete can lead to a co-dependent relationship, creates too much expectation and is a heavy burden for a relationship to carry.