Your man wants to know you appreciate him for who he is and what he brings to the relationship. If you love him, make sure he knows. Keep in mind Dr. John Gottman’s 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interchanges. For every one negative remark you make, try to think of five positive things to say, to counteract the negative effects of a critical word. Try carving out a few minutes each day before bed where you share with your partner what you appreciate about him and why.
Don’t fall in love with your man for his potential. You want to bond with someone as they are now. Sure, all signs point to him becoming successful and hard-working, but what if something occurs, like illness or disability, that would prevent that from happening? Would you still love him? Your man is not your project, so make sure you pick someone who you love just the way he is.
When I moved to America at 29, me and the guy still corresponded. People kept telling me that long-distance romances didn’t work out, so I went down [to Trinidad] a few times and we saw each other and it was nice. But eventually he told me that it wasn’t going to work out because I was too far away and didn’t want to come back to Trinidad. And it was fine!
My grandmother has developed a habit of falling on her way home from Bridge Club. Her most recent tumble took place while she was carrying a bag full of fresh berries; as her body hit the pavement her precious cargo went catapulting into the air. Sitting upright on the New York sidewalk, her tiny frame shaking post-fall, she only had two questions for passersby: “Is my fruit bruised?” and “Can you call my husband?”
"Not all guys are outright about their interest, but there are certain signs you can definitely look for. If you've developed an inside joke, that's for sure a good thing. How polite is he being? Is he buying drinks? Offering his seat? Walking you home/to the train? Is he staying out way later than he should? Generally trying to make sure you're enjoying yourself? Is it super easy to convince him to get one more round when he has to wake up for work at seven? He might be miserable the next day...but he probably won't mind." Brady O.
We're fully aware that both men and women can be problematic in a relationship, however, some may consider men to be more of a nuisance than women, if that's the case for you, and you're a woman seeking advice on your current dating situation, this relationship advice for women forum is a good place to start. Whether your man isn't pleasing you enough, he's causing problems or you think he's cheating, this is the best place to get some tips and guidance. If you're a male that's looking for advice, then we would suggest posting in our relationship advice for men board instead.
The best advice I ever got about love was from my grandmother, right before I got married. She said, “Marriage goes through cyclical phases, it’s almost like the movements of planets. Sometimes you’re so close, the two of you, your orbits are in synch, and sometimes you move so far away from each other, you feel you’ll never reconnect, never reenter each other’s orbits, you’re too far apart. The trick to marriage is having faith in the reconnection, waiting for the inevitable closeness again.” This was in 1994. She died a couple of years later. My marriage lasted 12 years. I never forgot this advice; we moved far away from each other many times, and I waited it out, and sure enough, we came back into synch again. And then at the end, we moved too far apart to ever reenter each other’s orbits, out of each other’s fields of gravity, and that’s when I knew it was over.
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While intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many men, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is exactly what they want, plain and simple. "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally," says Joe Kort, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexologist in Royal Oak, Michigan. "It's not [always] about dominating a woman, but rather ravishing her." On occasion, don't be afraid to let him do just that. (So long as it's something you're comfortable with, of course.)
"There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can 'abandon' ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner."
For many women, the ambition we can attribute much of our success to in life is also the voice that can be our own harshest critic. It propels us forward in our lives while simultaneously delivering low blows to our self-esteem when we deliver anything less than perfection. By learning to observe and hit the mute button on that voice in our heads, we discover the truth about ourselves, learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly, and set ourselves up for the relationships we desire and deserve.
Of course, it's also possible that there’s anger, resentment, or deeper issues going on. If that's the case, Mintz says you shouldn't be using sex as a weapon — that's only going to cause more harm in the relationship — and should instead be honest about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable bringing it up on your own (or discussing it when your partner does), she suggests seeing a therapist, who can help the two of you navigate the issue in a healthy way.
With that in mind, I spoke to three women over the age of 70 to hear about the first time they fell in love, the ways love transforms over time, and their thoughts about all things romance-related today. Their wisdom has both inspired and resonated with me — all three perspectives are vastly different, and yet rich with history, emotion and nostalgia. I learned that experience in the present may be transient, but some memories are more powerful from a distance. And when revisiting the past, love is a lens that adds both color and clarity.
“I always thought that love was about desire — being with someone, holding someone, feeling someone. But it isn’t necessarily. Love can come in lots of different ways and lots of different guises.” That’s the British artist Tracey Emin in a May 2012 BBC interview. She’s talking about her experience as a single woman artist nearing 50, but it’s a great reminder for all of us, no matter our relationship status or age. Not only can love be found everywhere — in an idea, an experience, a lover, a friend, etc. — but it’s like compound interest: the more you have the more you get. The trick is being open. As Emily Dickinson wrote, “The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”
We have all heard the feedback of sandwiching negative feedback between two positives. I am not sure how I feel about this recommendation because it can lead to confusion. If there is a conflict in the workplace, lovingly but directly outline the problem. Do not wait until the point you are frustrated, because that is counterproductive. I have made this mistake countless times.