"If the guy doesn't say something and take the check off the table to pay, it's probably fair to assume that you're going Dutch. There are different reasons that a guy might not pick up the tab (some that might not have anything to do with you), but if you're into him, avoid looking too disappointed. You don't want him to think you expected it." —Josh F.
“Many women can confuse sex and sexual desires with a guy’s interest in them. He wants sex, she also wants sex but thinks him wanting sex means there is something more,” says Goldstein. “Explore your sexual boundaries and know where they are and why they’re there.” And, even more importantly, don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do just because you want to gain someone’s interest.
In a long-term relationship, an easy trap to fall into is to take your partner for granted. Remind yourself what you admire about them. Don’t push their boundaries; understand that they are an entirely separate and different individual to yourself. Give your partner the space and appreciation for what they bring to your life, and show respect by taking their wishes, values and ideas into consideration. A little respect and appreciation will go a long way.
I was born in Trinidad. I’m the fourth of 12 children. When I was young, there was this guy who came around — everybody’s eyes were on him. I was young — 17, 18. This guy was slim with a nice ‘fro. I told everyone, “Leave him. I want him.” And guess what? He chose my sister! And today, they’re still married. They’ve been married for about 50 years. All of us remain close.
"I get frustrated when I feel like I'm constantly the one driving the conversation—it happens to me a lot and it feels a little unfair. It's hard to get the sense that I'm getting to know someone when I'm tasked with doing all the talking. On the flip side though, it's a rough night when a girl goes on about herself at length without asking me anything about myself. I like it best when someone can counter me with questions of their own." —Noah A.
"The biggest mistake is being too quick to enter a marriage," she said. "Get to know that person very, very well in all circumstances, the happiness part and the stressful parts. So both people have to be very willing and very open, and often times make concessions, as they get to know each other. So please, take a very serious look. You cannot mold your spouse into something that you want.''
“When you show me you know how to make plans and you put me into your busy schedule, it shows me that I'm a priority and makes me feel important. Spontaneity is fun and great here and there, but a woman like me is grinding right now and doesn't always have the luxury of that. So show me you respect my time and let me know things in advance. Whether we're in the early getting to know phase or deeply committed, my little boo thing – whatever – if you want my time you have to value it.” -- Natelege W., 27
Virginia, 73, described rushing into marriage as one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make. "I got married to get away from home," she said. "So there was this fellow I’d been going with, and we up and got married the week I turned 18. Well, two children and 11 years later, we divorced. It wasn’t a wise decision to marry him but it was an out for me at that time. So please, tell younger people: When it comes to marriage, don’t rush into things.
Whether it is an impulsive move, a perceived last-chance leap or a slide into the inevitable, their advice is to stop, look, and listen — to yourself and others. Question the decision, then question it again. Some strong testimony for the need to wait and choose carefully came from women who experienced failed marriages (sometimes getting it right in a second union). They typically attributed the failure to entering marriage on impulse and not gaining a deep knowledge of their partner before marrying. As 81-year-old Marie said bluntly, “it is better to not marry than to marry the wrong person. Both my husband and I were married once before, and it took that experience to learn this lesson."
It’s as simple as that. If you feel like something’s not right, in all probability, something is definitely wrong. Communicate and make the effort. At times, the relationship may be a failed cause because your man’s a bad guy. But almost always, the relationship stagnates because you and your lover have started to take the relationship for granted. [Read: 25 relationship rules for a successful long term relationship]