Meet people where they meet you — don't over-invest in anyone that's not investing in you. Dating is like every other relationship in your life whether it be a work relationship or friendship. You're not going to be chasing down a client that doesn't show interest, so why would you do that with a partner? Value your time, value our energy, value your heart. If you treat yourself with respect, other people will do the same.
Change it up. If you continue to respond in the way that's brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.
I was born in Trinidad. I’m the fourth of 12 children. When I was young, there was this guy who came around — everybody’s eyes were on him. I was young — 17, 18. This guy was slim with a nice ‘fro. I told everyone, “Leave him. I want him.” And guess what? He chose my sister! And today, they’re still married. They’ve been married for about 50 years. All of us remain close.
This is important for you and for him. Your body and mind are reflections of your well-being so devote time and money to your self-care. Your man is attached to you both emotionally and physically, so it is worth maintaining both your outward appearance and your mental health by paying attention to their good working state. Don’t let yourself go. Eat healthfully and incorporate physical movement into your day. Take time to practice activities that nourish your spirit and challenge your mind.
“Nothing makes a man ‘feel’ better than a woman. Allow her in. Men are constantly told to "man up," be strong, tough and all that. And women nurture by nature. There is strength in being open and vulnerable with the one you love. Even if it isn't love just yet, be willing to share. It's like a game of catch ... you have to throw to play.” -- Tamika St., 34
"This may sound obvious, but you can't imagine how many people come to couples therapy too late, when their partner is done with a relationship and wants to end it. It is very important to realize that everyone potentially has a breaking point, and if their needs are not met or they don't feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else. Many people assume that just because they are OK without things they want so is their partner. 'No relationship is perfect' shouldn't be used as a rationalization for complacency."
The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women, says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. They just don't tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they're afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all, she explains. "But there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face," Schaefer adds. Another key move: Gently gripping a man's testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.
Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate. For example, if he's worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked. Other key areas to compliment: His gut, as men often worry about the size of it (and other measurable parts), and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it.
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