Recently I was asked by a friend what relationship advice for women was actually essential. Honestly, dating and relationship advice is super easy to come by on the internet. I mean, I’ve personally written hundreds of articles about it, adding up to hundreds of thousands of words. And that’s just a drop in the ocean of other relationship advice out there.
"For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love. Another secret for a long marriage: Both partners need to commit to making it work, no matter what. The only thing that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves."
What a stressful article! I mean, “Look sexy, get kinky, be aggressive, give him space, take care of yourself, don’t be a drama queen, don’t try so hard…” Blah blah blah!!! Be you. Be as crazy and assertive and talkative and love yourself the way you are. Don’t break your back trying to look how you think he wants you to look, or force yourself into an uncomfortable sexual encounter because you don’t want him to get bored and wonder off… Men need to be held accountable too! And if you are doing everything to make him stay, you’re only going to resent him for not putting in as much effort. And he won’t. Because he’s a dude. So just be you and find someone you don’t feel the need to CHANGE or CHANGE FOR.
There are two vital things to know about fighting in relationships. Firstly, it is normal to fight and fight you will. Secondly, when you fight in a relationship, you both lose. Let go of winning, of being right, of proving a point, and choose rather to focus on really understanding and listening. Keeping your connection is more valuable for your well-being than trying to inflate your ego by outsmarting your partner. Understanding each other’s experience is more important than who is right or wrong. Try using ‘I’ messages, instead of ‘you’, to lower the levels of confrontation.
How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality," or a sex life that doesn't include (or betray) the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use sex toys or letting other men look at her," Dr. Kort says. "For her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties, so talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and see if this is something one (or both of you) might be interested in.
"There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can 'abandon' ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner."
It's believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn't be further from the truth. "[There are] plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom," says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, "Will I be able to get an erection?," "Have I gained too much weight?" and, "Will I be able to please her?"
Whether it is an impulsive move, a perceived last-chance leap or a slide into the inevitable, their advice is to stop, look, and listen — to yourself and others. Question the decision, then question it again. Some strong testimony for the need to wait and choose carefully came from women who experienced failed marriages (sometimes getting it right in a second union). They typically attributed the failure to entering marriage on impulse and not gaining a deep knowledge of their partner before marrying. As 81-year-old Marie said bluntly, “it is better to not marry than to marry the wrong person. Both my husband and I were married once before, and it took that experience to learn this lesson."
"The person you are meant to be with has a similar lifestyle to you. They’ll have the same taste in how they spend their time and the same taste in how they spend their money. Re-evaluate your lifestyle. Is it conducive to meeting someone special? If it’s work-home-work-home, chances are you need a lifestyle makeover! Once you’ve got that in check, Mr. or Mrs. Perfect is right around the corner just waiting for you."
Be optimistic; I'm a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone. Don't subscribe to the belief that you're going to spend forever alone or that true love doesn't exist — it does, it just takes work, which brings me to my last point: Be willing to put in the work. Successful relationships require both partners to put in a lot of effort; if you really love one another, it doesn't feel like work.
While it's nice to consult your girl friends or bros about relationship issues, keep in mind that every relationship is different and what works for one couple may not work for you. This also means that not everyone is going to understand why you do what you do; it may not make sense to your best friend why you chose to give up something you once loved for your significant other — and that's OK.
I think love today is very impersonal! When you’re talking to somebody, you have a phone in your hand, so I just don’t think it’s as intimate. I also think it’s more innocent. America has become more provincial in many ways. I think it’s because of the AIDS crisis — everyone was having sex with everybody, but now everybody is so scared. It’s influenced the romance.
"I get frustrated when I feel like I'm constantly the one driving the conversation—it happens to me a lot and it feels a little unfair. It's hard to get the sense that I'm getting to know someone when I'm tasked with doing all the talking. On the flip side though, it's a rough night when a girl goes on about herself at length without asking me anything about myself. I like it best when someone can counter me with questions of their own." —Noah A.
Opposites do attract, but over time vast differences in personality lead to major conflict. Despite occasional bad moods and a hot temper, the Taurus woman’s nature is generally consistent, while Gemini is utterly unpredictable. Gemini’s casual attitude toward sex leaves the Taurus woman feeling cold and neglected, while Taurus’ need for intimacy may scare away flighty Gemini. This match ends badly, especially for the Taurus, who often falls hard despite her best judgment.
I have never felt like I missed out on a marriage or a child. I decided to make a life out of taking care of other people’s children — they are all my children. And my family has so many children who love me all the same. The life that I had growing up was too tough for me. I grew up deprived and I definitely did not want that for a child. I never wanted to bring a child onto this earth unless I could support that child and give it everything that it wanted.
Geminis are also known as the Twins and often find relationships that fulfill only some of their needs. They think it is impossible for any one person to meet all their needs, and at times feel as though they are two people residing in the same body. Unfortunately, these relationships tend not to last. Geminis eventually feel the gaping hole where the put-aside needs are not being fulfilled. Some Geminis may go as far as filling that hole with another person who will meet those unmet, unexpressed needs – even if they didn’t plan it. Often, the result is two bad relationships, not one good one.
"Regardless of what you've heard, realize that guys can indeed be 'just friends' with other girls. Some women can get really jealous for no reason. Some think there's no such thing as a platonic relationship with another girleither one or the other of you wants to hook up. It's important for them to know that those relationships can and do exist with the opposite sex. Don't drive yourself crazy over them." KC I.