"Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship. So start gently. Instead of saying, 'You always leave your dishes all over the place! Why can’t you pick anything up?' try a more gentle approach, focusing on your own emotional reaction and a positive request. For example: 'I get annoyed when I see dishes in the living room. Would you please put them back in the kitchen when you’re finished?'"

How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls "separate sexuality," or a sex life that doesn't include (or betray) the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use sex toys or letting other men look at her," Dr. Kort says. "For her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties, so talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and see if this is something one (or both of you) might be interested in.

“I always thought that love was about desire — being with someone, holding someone, feeling someone. But it isn’t necessarily. Love can come in lots of different ways and lots of different guises.” That’s the British artist Tracey Emin in a May 2012 BBC interview. She’s talking about her experience as a single woman artist nearing 50, but it’s a great reminder for all of us, no matter our relationship status or age. Not only can love be found everywhere — in an idea, an experience, a lover, a friend, etc. — but it’s like compound interest: the more you have the more you get. The trick is being open. As Emily Dickinson wrote, “The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”
“Nothing makes a man ‘feel’ better than a woman. Allow her in. Men are constantly told to "man up," be strong, tough and all that. And women nurture by nature. There is strength in being open and vulnerable with the one you love. Even if it isn't love just yet, be willing to share. It's like a game of catch ... you have to throw to play.” -- Tamika St., 34

I think one of the most powerful things about women is our intuition. I can't remember a time that I've had a true gut check (as I call it) lead me the wrong way. I think we are taught to brush intuition off as being overly sensitive but I say trust it. I trust my gut to guide my professional choices, to know when something works or just doesn't, and I use my gut in my personal life to be the same sort of emotional barometer.

Meet people where they meet you — don't over-invest in anyone that's not investing in you. Dating is like every other relationship in your life whether it be a work relationship or friendship. You're not going to be chasing down a client that doesn't show interest, so why would you do that with a partner? Value your time, value our energy, value your heart. If you treat yourself with respect, other people will do the same.

I fell in love once after that, but the guy died. He was younger than me — asthmatic. After that, I kind of lost interest [in love]. I never really got serious with anybody. Over the years, I’ve just had fun and worked hard — I took care of beautiful children. I used to party every night because my brother was a DJ. I’d attend every single Carnival — without a guy in my life. I was single, and oh, I was loving it. And still loving it even more now!

Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears, as Mintz says heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we're feeling free, and studies have shown that it's erotic for all parties involved to hear. It's also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they're doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.
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Maybe your past relationships haven’t turned out like you wanted them to, or you feel like every date in the past month was a lemon. Well, get over it. “It’s still up to you to open your heart—and keep it open. This can be scary because you don’t want to get hurt. However, in order to grow and connect, you must be available and vulnerable,” says Mills.
The point is not that you should act arrogantly or as if entitled, but that, if you act as if you have value in the world, others are more likely to treat you that way. In the hetero world, this means letting the guy pursue you. Which is to say, not calling too much or being too accommodating to his needs. Conversely, if he fails to call, hold your head high and walk away. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I still think that, in the early days of a relationship, the onus falls on the
We moved to Berkeley together in the early 70s, when they had guerrilla theater. We started doing street theater together; it was so boring and so bad. Mel was studying for his masters and couldn’t get a job, so I became a telephone operator. It was the best job I ever had. I made a good living and made a life for both of us in Berkeley. Then Mel got an invitation to do his Doctorate at NYU, so we drove from Berkeley to New York. He became a professor; taught theater. Eventually we separated, but he was my best friend; my first love — we took care of each other. He died last year.
This is a no-brainer and it's no secret that both men and women are different, both physically and physiologically, but they're very different beyond just what the eyes can see. Those in the lab (scientists) generally tend to study four different areas when it comes to analyzing the differences between male and female brains, these include: activity, structure, chemistry and processing. This also includes differences in potential diseases that both sex's are more vulnerable to, however, also the differences in requirements when it comes to a satisfying love life.
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Be open to being disrupted by a relationship — even if you’re too into your career. The right person should only make you a better woman. Remember that confidence will attract the right person and to hold back due to fear of being intimidating is actually not who you are. A focused woman is a fine-*ss woman. Don’t be married to your job, but be excellent at it. There’s freedom in the latter, and dependance in the former.
You know, I could've titled this "Three Signs You Still Love Your Ex." Because love and hate are each an emotion that is very close to the other, if you think about it. I want to go over this today with all of you because there are a lot of you out there that have a lot of anger toward the ex in your life, and for some of you it's affecting a lot of different levels of your life. Read more →
I don’t believe that finding your partner is 'a numbers game' and I don’t think you get anywhere by dating 'like it’s your job.' You have to believe that you are enough, as you are—and look for the partner who thinks so, too. Find the partner whose eyes light up when you talk about your ambition and the things that really matter to you. Anyone who makes you feel you’re not enough or you’re too much is not your soulmate.
It's believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn't be further from the truth. "[There are] plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom," says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex and Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, "Will I be able to get an erection?," "Have I gained too much weight?" and, "Will I be able to please her?"
I think love today is very impersonal! When you’re talking to somebody, you have a phone in your hand, so I just don’t think it’s as intimate. I also think it’s more innocent. America has become more provincial in many ways. I think it’s because of the AIDS crisis — everyone was having sex with everybody, but now everybody is so scared. It’s influenced the romance.
Write down an actual list of what you need out of a relationship and whether those needs are being met. Rowena, 69, found the list helped her. "When I met Graham and decided to get involved with him, I sat down with a piece of paper and I wrote pros and cons. I was in my 30s at that point, and I said 'Hmm, you know, this is what I want.' And this guy had those qualities — many more good ones than bad ones.

Relationship advice isn't one-size-fits-all, so it helps to get a range of opinions. And while we're huge fans of credentialed sex and relationship experts, sometimes you just need some real talk from women who've been there. That's why we've decided to draw from Refinery29's library of personal stories to glean some real-world advice. These are people who've been through specific romantic challenges and have come out of them wiser — and are happy to spread their newfound wisdom.
You know, I could've titled this "Three Signs You Still Love Your Ex." Because love and hate are each an emotion that is very close to the other, if you think about it. I want to go over this today with all of you because there are a lot of you out there that have a lot of anger toward the ex in your life, and for some of you it's affecting a lot of different levels of your life. Read more →
"Listening is a skill and a communication tool most people don't do very well," says Ray. When you give your partner your undivided attention, it allows them to feel both heard and appreciated. When you show curiosity about who they are and what they're up to, it not only indicates your interest in their life but makes them feel unique and special.
"Relationships take effort. Often times people think it 'should' come natural and if you have to 'work' at them you aren’t with the right person. FALSE. Both individuals will be left feeling disappointed if you don’t nourish them. Manage expectations through communication. Have sex at least once a week and schedule it! Take a trip together, and learn what each others Love Languages are."

Resting on opposite sides of the zodiac, the initial magnetism between the Scorpio man and the Bull is intense. This relationship is often highly possessive for both parties and arguments are explosive. However, the passion boils over into the bedroom, where these opposites connect perfectly. After the initial lusty affair, this relationship has staying power if both the Scorpion and Taurus are willing to work on their issues outside of the bedroom.
"It doesn't matter if someone is talking about taking exotic trips next year if he or she is unavailable now," says Syrtash. In this case you want to make sure you're reading actions rather than believing every word that person says. On the flipside, she says when your partner introduces you to family and friends, chances are that this person sees you in their life for the long haul.

[After Mel], I also went out with Mick Jagger. I’m a lyric in “Some Girls” — the Chinese girl referenced is me. I had a very good boyfriend whom I met in Milan. He was very rich — his father was a car designer in France. Through him I met a lot of famous people, including my good friend, Ahmet Ertegun, who was the chairman of Atlantic Records. He was insane! The funniest person I have ever met. He was in his 50s and snorting coke, drinking, smoking dope all at the same time, rambling. Anyway, through him I met The Stones. It was all very casual.
I was born in Hong Kong. I was a surprise baby — my mother was in her 40s. I was the baby of the family. I was spoiled rotten. When I was 13, there was a woman, the second wife of a news publisher. She decided she wanted me to be her son’s wife. My parents told her that we were Christians, and that we didn’t believe in stuff like [arranged marriage]. I had never seen the boy! I was 13! So we never married.

Although Taurus and the Aquarius man potentially have a great deal to teach one another, this is generally a disastrous pairing. The Water-bearer tends to be highly unpredictable and cares more about friendships than romantic entanglements, failing to give the Bull the emotional affirmations that she secretly needs. The Taurus woman is slow to adapt to change, and by the time this duo figures things out, the flighty Aquarius may be on the way out.
While intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many men, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is exactly what they want, plain and simple. "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally," says Joe Kort, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and sexologist in Royal Oak, Michigan. "It's not [always] about dominating a woman, but rather ravishing her." On occasion, don't be afraid to let him do just that. (So long as it's something you're comfortable with, of course.)
The Bull and the Capricorn man share many common goals, although their motivation often comes from different sources. Romantic bliss is not unheard of for this pair but they have some obstacles to overcome. Emotionally, the Goat is too cold and detached for the Taurus woman. However, with the help of a psychic, this pair can move past their problems and create a satisfying life together.
Taurus and Cancer have many traits in common, making this pairing a superb long-term love match. However, finding love takes time for this pair and the relationship develops slowly. When the relationship finally moves to the bedroom, the Bull and the Crab make an ideal sexual match. Despite major compatibility, Taurus and Cancer have issues from time to time, but consulting a psychic helps them work through any bumps in the road.
So what's a woman to do? First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat post-sex may be because he doesn't understand how much he craves a connection with you. Then, it's time for another kitchen table sex talk, Mintz says. "If he's been jumping in the shower right after sex for the last 10 years, he's going to be really taken off guard if, the next time he goes into the shower, you all of a sudden say it upsets you," she explains. "Instead, set aside a time to talk when the situation has passed."

"The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations come a pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration. Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless. And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that's OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate."
You know, I could've titled this "Three Signs You Still Love Your Ex." Because love and hate are each an emotion that is very close to the other, if you think about it. I want to go over this today with all of you because there are a lot of you out there that have a lot of anger toward the ex in your life, and for some of you it's affecting a lot of different levels of your life. Read more →

"A big mistake people make when dating someone new is to bring all of their fears, concerns, and past negative relationship experiences to their current relationship," says Ray. She explains that in the more than 26 years of speaking to singles, she's heard that they do not want to hear about their date's past relationships on first or second dates. She insists that you should be keeping your thoughts and conversations focused on the person you're currently dating and on getting to know them. (You shouldn't be interrogating them on their past, either.)


Taurus and the Virgo man share a predictable, down-to-earth nature and generally tranquil disposition. However, the sexual side of this relationship can be difficult to foster. If Taurus can put up with Virgo’s tendency towards obsessive perfectionism, this pair can enjoy a long life together. For the Taurus woman committed to making this match work, a psychic is a good source of love advice.

“This is a little awkward, but I value our working relationship and I’d like to share something with you. I have noticed that you are routinely late for meetings. This interrupts my schedule, and it also leads me to believe you do not value our time together. Can we make an agreement that you will be on time for all meetings or that our meeting is canceled if you are more than eight to 10 minutes late?”
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