I have been wracking my brain about this idea of “Mr. Right.” Love is a tricky area. One thing that has been on my mind lately is the way media, television and film portray women. The values that have been promoted since the advent of the moving picture have sent a message to women. In commercials, women are most often in a kitchen. Men are most often at an office or on a couch. What these messages deliver are pretty obvious. In television and film, the primary conversations that woman have revolve around men, dating men or how to better date men. Male characters’ conversations are often about catching bad guys. Again, these messages are pretty transparent. Advertising is purposeful and manipulative. Millions to billions of dollars are spent on how to sell a costumer something they don’t need to buy, or portray an image they don’t necessarily want to subscribe to. When I was a young person and having a hard time dating, my mother would say, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your Prince.” I have come to a point in my life where I realize that she was right, but, as corny as it may sound, the Prince is me.
Relationships with a romantic partner can be the single greatest thing in the world, as well as the single most frustrating. Because of that, many people have no problem venting out relationship issues to anyone who will listen — at least, that’s what I tend to do anyway. The funny thing is, when it comes to matters of the heart, people around you suddenly turn into love gurus who have no problem giving you their insight — no matter how bad it may be. When we want something to work out so bad, we'll try to receive any form of help necessary to make it work.
The point is not that you should act arrogantly or as if entitled, but that, if you act as if you have value in the world, others are more likely to treat you that way. In the hetero world, this means letting the guy pursue you. Which is to say, not calling too much or being too accommodating to his needs. Conversely, if he fails to call, hold your head high and walk away. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I still think that, in the early days of a relationship, the onus falls on the
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WOW! WOW! WOW! Guys, seriously this article should be preached (especially the fourteenth one haha). My boyfriend and I are together for two years now and he’s taking me to prom this year. So excited I’m gonna pass out!!! He’s a pretty tough guy and you gotta have patience with him, but he sure knows how to pull some romance tricks on me like flowers before school or my biggest addiction – chocolate. And now I can pay him back.
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We moved to Berkeley together in the early 70s, when they had guerrilla theater. We started doing street theater together; it was so boring and so bad. Mel was studying for his masters and couldn’t get a job, so I became a telephone operator. It was the best job I ever had. I made a good living and made a life for both of us in Berkeley. Then Mel got an invitation to do his Doctorate at NYU, so we drove from Berkeley to New York. He became a professor; taught theater. Eventually we separated, but he was my best friend; my first love — we took care of each other. He died last year.
“I believe that when a woman is given the chance to come to the defense of another woman, that is an opportunity that she should take in behalf of not only that woman; but in behalf of herself and all other women, everywhere. Men don't have low opinions of women because women are sluts and whores; but men have low opinions of women because they see how women compete with one another, pull one another down in order to rise above and backbite one another endlessly. There are men who have low opinions of women because of how women treat other women. They see that and they think, "What kind of a species can do that to their own species?" So if you really want the guy, why not get him by showing him what a true friend you are to your girlfriends? Or by showing him how happy you are for the good fortune of another woman and how much you admire her? And if he doesn't appreciate that then he doesn't deserve you! I know we've got a long, long way to go before we change the way our gender treats one another; but it's got to start somewhere and I suggest we start right now.”
I was born in Hong Kong. I was a surprise baby — my mother was in her 40s. I was the baby of the family. I was spoiled rotten. When I was 13, there was a woman, the second wife of a news publisher. She decided she wanted me to be her son’s wife. My parents told her that we were Christians, and that we didn’t believe in stuff like [arranged marriage]. I had never seen the boy! I was 13! So we never married.
After 10 years, my family returned to Iran [Post-Partition] and he and I met again. When he came into the room, my eyes brightened because he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. We fell in love all over again. He was not married, and I was not married, so we got together. But our fathers, they fought! My older sister was still single and my father thought my [would-be] husband ought to marry her instead. But my husband refused! And we got married.
"There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can 'abandon' ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner."
Falling in love is relatively simple. It's staying in love that's the tricky part. Mr. Chapman has identified what he calls the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Knowing how different people show and express their love is a good first step toward understanding them--and appreciating their loving behaviors.
I once worked with a colleague who was incredibly dismissive and known for not responding to emails, phone calls or text messages. In addition to being non-responsive, the team member was rude. I worked with him for years and deeply disliked his lack of accountability. At some point, our relationship reached a tipping point, and I actively prayed either he or I would find a new job.